Steadfast
by Shaman Hime
Summary: A deeper look onto Zack's thoughts and a cute brotherly moment. Read and review!


I watch my friends walking by, some with smiles that scintillate their faces and others with frowns, that wreck their used to be happy faces. This time of year shows peoples reality and just who they really are. Their real identity is no longer hidden beneath their angelic smiles and put up acts. Everything becomes crystal clear.

Numerous amounts of people walk by, but none seem to take note of me. Not that I really mind, it feels better this way, because my feelings remain unexposed. I take a sharp intake of breath, as the unsolicited thoughts come tumbling through my mind. I try to hold them back, to shield myself from the agony they bring onto me, but to no avail. Sighing in defeat, I find myself drowning under the thrashing waves of depression as the assailing thoughts take their toll on me. If only there was something present to sedate this throbbing pain.

_No wonder people turn to drugs._

I begin to visualize my parents when the results are out. How they would be dwelling with happiness and pleasure, along with that blissful smile that plays with the corner of their lips. The meaningful hugs my brother and I receive. Then and like a lightning bolt all begins to falter and disappear. My results cause my parents to lose their dazzling smiles and content nature. I have shamed them greatly – again- and there is absolutely nothing I have that can make them proud. And that greatly saddens me. I have frequently tried to make them proud of me but yet again to no avail. I must strike them as a very heartless child, who is incapable of fulfilling their hopes and living up to their standards. However, I love them more than anything. I wish to make them proud, but I just happen to be the plain one out of the two.

Snapping out of that thought, I hear a couple of my friends nearby talking to one another. Their conversation causes an immense amount of grief to continue merging within me. They cry and sob over that _one_ mark they have lost. They complain about how stupid they must be. They claim to never forgive themselves. I compare the differences between them and I. I talk about failing. They talk about A's. Should I consider them as ignorant creatures? After all, they are unaware of others' trials and tribulations and talk of their pain as it is the greatest. No I can't judge them as that. They ,unlike me, have worked real hard for this. They deserve to get the grades and the right to complain to underachieving people.

I listen to them. I comfort them. I support them. I try to cheer them up. I get them to smile. I fake a smile. I cover up the wounds that materialize from their conversation. I hand them a free delectable smoothie to show them I care. To express the love and respect I hold for them. Those last few moments before they leave, how I wish they would see through me. Ask about how I am doing. If I need any help. Those anticipated moments never arrive. It's just one more scar.

Everybody believes I don't care. That grades don't mean much to me. That life is all a joke to me. That just because I smile from the outside, I must be happy.

Do you know... what it feels like when, you wish to get something so badly, yet you know it's impossible for you to get it? But, nevertheless you still want it- but you won't do anything about it because it's unattainable? I precisely feel that way! I dream to get those marvelous grades, I don't work, because it's too late. No hope for me. I'm too far gone. Yet I still want to please my parents and brother. I pray for a miracle to save me. However, I believe that miracles only occur to people worthy of them, and I sure as hell am not one of them.

I regret those times I spent lazing around. Playing pranks. Chilling with friends. Simply wasting my time. How I wish to go back in time and relive my life. Yet again this needs a miracle. Nonetheless, I do have the perfect alibi as to why I spent my time that way. I always thought that I was still a teenager and supposed to be living my life, not studying for the boredom I shall have to face in my future. If I weren't meant to live my life to the fullest neither now nor earlier, then when am I to?

Everything and everyone is passing me by in a blur. Everything and everyone surrounding me is changing. People moving on. People changing. People leaving. People coming. It's like the time of change or something. Nothing remains unvarying. It pains me to think that I have to live a life with new friends, new teachers, new surroundings. Worst of all, I have to live without my brother's presence. If only time would stop moving. If only life was steadfast. I don't want to move on. I'm happy the way I am. So why can't I just live like this? Because destiny has different plans?

I look around me and realize that I have been staring at the ocean . It's aquamarine waves swayed and danced in rhythm , to the melody of seagulls , that circled me and spun around the boat happily. Even such a scene can't seem to cheer me up. It's like there is nothing around me that can help save me. I feel myself drown in my own misery.

I sense a pair of arms engulf me from behind and a beautiful face with a goofy grin is shown to me from the side. It has a playful yet sincere looking smile, with the most striking deep blue eyes that are moderately covered with its blond streaks. _Cody_.

I look his way and I give him my most convincing smile ever. He shakes his head and stands beside me with a hand surrounding my welcoming shoulder. He continues to stare at the stunning view before us as the gentle and loving breeze plays with our hair. We stand like this for a while; watching the sun set below the horizon, neither of us wanting to ruin the blissful mood. He turns my way and smiles another genuine smile before speaking.

" No need to say a word, I understand."

A wave of relief and immense pleasure washes over me as I get this cold tingly current to pass through my worn out body. It brings life back to me. Those were the words I needed to hear all along. Just when I was about to give up - a miracle makes its way through. As if what he said wasn't enough he continues talking.

" I've got your back ,bro, I'm right by your side."

And I just know that life is just about to get much better.

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**A/N:** Okay! So this is not necessarily how Zack might feel and it might be a little dramatic but I do have an explaination to give. First of all, those feelings are mine, I just needed to write them somewhere and found Zack to be the most suitable carrier! I am going through weird things and I was just trying to express them here. However I am yet to wait for the miracle xD I also made sure to add Cody, brotherly moments are priceless! This was also edited by my 2 bff so thank you very much (: & umm well let me know your thoughts about this, So read and review thank youuuuuuuuu (:


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